A Page Out of Tracey Lynn's Journal
By Tracey Lynn Barfield on Friday, August 31, 2012 at 1:38pm

Resilience

Resiliency is perhaps the single most important trait I want to possess. I do not want to live in the shadow of past experiences or failed relationships. We all have lived long enough to have had our hearts broken, to have been lied to or cheated on, to have lost someone we loved, or to have suffered some other major disappointment in our lives.

Secrets are often worn blatantly and defiantly—if not proudly like battle-scarred armor. They aren’t difficult to discern if you travel through life with your eyes and ears open—far too many people travel with their eyes scrunched up and with their fingers jammed in their ears—afraid they might see something ugly or hear something unsettling—or even recognize the pain they try so desperately to hide or to deny that they too know firsthand. They want to believe that monsters only exist in nightmares and that everyone’s childhood memories mimic fairy tales where everyone lived happily-ever-after. Gawd, the vast majority of people are so full of shit! Wouldn’t you agree?

I do believe that secrets become armor in a way—we all employ some type of defense mechanism. I think some people’s defense mechanism is to lash out at others—to become the villain rather than the victim again. In some ways I do believe the old adage—the truth sets us free . . . some secrets just rot inside of us . . . no good comes out of safeguarding them deep inside. I suppose if we could tuck them away, throw away the key and forget about them forever--there might be some benefit, but it doesn’t work that way. Somehow we dredge up the old memories over and over again—and we never really come to terms with what happened—in some ways we just relive all the pain, shame and blame over and over again. No good comes out of that—no good at all. 

I often feel alone--not that I really am in a physical sense--there are a few friends and family waiting in the wings most of the time--still I think true loneliness is only quelled by a kindred spirit--someone who sees us from the inside out--someone who appreciates us not for what we do for him or her--not for who we are to him or her--but simply because we are.

I lead a very modest, simple life. I am not a collector of things--in truth I could pack everything that means anything to me in my car and be on my way never looking back or pining for things left behind. I don't define myself by the car I drive, the clothes and jewelry I wear, or anything else that I could possibly own or possess in some way. I believe that what we bring to our relationships spiritually, emotionally and intellectually is far more important than our material trappings. 

I am the Teflon Tygerlily~~I exist in plain sight among people with their eyes scrunched up and their fingers stuffed in their ears~~I am a Beeper Peep. . . invisible and silenced . . . I suppose I am someone’s secret.

Tracey Lynn Barfield