Facing our fears together.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" Anais Nin.

Since beginning our main page Living With Bipolar Disorder and the Living with Bipolar Disorder Closed Group in 2012, I don't think there has been a darker period than this past week and a half. Dealing with the death of my friend and co partner Tracey Lynn has effected so many people within the group. We share the loss and grief, collectively and individually.

I had forgotten what it was like to manage the page and group without her input. It is hard to accept that I won't have her at my side as I continue the journey without her. Though I know I carry her with me always, I feel her presence at times, it has been hard to cope with the needs of so many and not be able to discuss matters with her.

I am fortunate to have the love, friendship and support of two other women in group who have taken on the responsibility of administrators in helping me with the page and group. If not for them, I don't know how I would have managed this past week. I have had to delegate, as the group has become larger than Tracey Lynn and I ever imagined.

Our group is not about numbers, or popularity, or solely posting feel good posters, or jokes, or articles pertaining strictly to bipolar. As there are so many members with overlapping disorders, we feel the need to share information regarding other disorders too on the main page. The private group is not about platitudes. It is not about throwing sunshine and rainbows all over the place, and overemphasizing the importance of a positive attitude and faith alone.

 It is about facing the darkness and fighting our demons together. Though faith and a positive attitude are important and I believe necessary for our recovery, and I am a strong advocate for both and practice such myself, I cannot disregard someones feelings or negate their pain and suffering when they desperately need help and I know how they feel. It is about sitting with someone in their suffering who needs to vent, chat or know that you are listening and you honestly care about their well being, enough to extend an ear, a helping hand or point them to professional help if they are in crisis.

 My point is, people come to group in different stages of their journey with bipolar disorder, some are newly diagnosed, lost, frightened, confused, feeling unimaginable shame, pain, and sadness. They need to know we are here, we understand and are willing to help them cope with what they are going through. They need to know that they are not alone. We steer them toward getting professional treatment, as in the group we can only offer so much emotional help. Some members have had the disorder for years like me. Some are in recovery and stable as I am. I have not been hospitalized in 18 years and realizing that toxic relationships help drive us over that edge, is part of our recovery. Some are med compliant, others feel they can cope without meds.

We have to learn to root out toxicity from others and from within ourselves, but also learn to cope better with it when it arrives on our doorstep. We cannot run away whenever there is a problem.  We cannot recover until we face our fears, let go of the grief, the sadness and all of the weight holding us down.

Tracey Lynn and myself, as well as several of our members are Christians with an abiding love of God and respect of persons no matter their faith. Our group believes in the power of prayer and unconditional love, it is welcomed and encouraged there. Though I generally pray in my faith, others are welcome to pray in whatever faith they follow, and if they don't have a particular faith, or don't believe in prayer, they may offer love and light. We make it abundantly clear that we do not discriminate for any reason.

Having bipolar disorder myself for the last twenty five years, I have to monitor my stress level, take my medication, see my therapist regularly. I am fortunate to have the support of family and friends who accept me as I am, imperfections and all. I am blessed to have the group who support me and one another. It is what Tracey Lynn and I envisioned it to be and so much more. If anyone reads this kindly keep us in prayer.

Love and Prayers

Lynn-Marie.